I ain't one for poetry...ain't one for prose Ain't one for the scent of a springtime rose But there is one fact that I do know I sure get a kick out of that Beavis and Butt-Head show One day I turn my TV on, what is it I do see? Two crazy ass cartoon sonsabitches starin' on back at me I said "What the hell's this?" Ler said, "Boy, don't you know? The whole world's gone crazy over that there Beavis and Butt-Head show!" Talk about couch fishin', now I could go for that I been goin' for frog baseball, but I'm inclined to use a cat On comedy I'm a Stooges man, I like Larry, Curly & Moe, But now and then I get a chuckle watchin' the Beavis and Butt-Head show Stone Temple Pearl-vana Chains, now there's a helluva band. They've got that original ole sound that's sweepin' 'cross the land. They ain't no ZZ Top though; that's the band for me If I had my way, MTV'd play just them and AC/DC. I ain't nothing special, I'm your average kind of man I like a frosty barley-pop and I drink 'em out the can I give a rat's ass about poetry not a damn about prose I sure do get a kick out of them Beavis and Butt-Head shows!
Lyrics contributed by Jason Rush and Ler.
Skinny was born in a bathtub And grew so incredibly thin, That even the end of an eyedropper Sucked him in; Skinny never knew any questions And Skinny never looked at lights, But Skinny sold something Every single night. Skinny sold a soldier to me Skinny sold a wife, Skinny sold a suction cup And a knife. Skinny found a "Hello Dolly" Record in the hall. He sold it to a truck driver In the fall.
In 1986, the university of California at Davis saw two of its all-time brightest stars, Dr.. Alphonz Mephisto and Dr. Arnie Apesacrappin. Dr. Mephisto worked hard toward his thesis. His goal was to genetically duplicate the DNA structure of asparagus so that all asparagus would grow to the same girth and length giving asparagus a much more pleasant presentation in the world's supermarket vegetable bins. Dr. Apesacrappin's goal was to genetically create the greatest musical entertainer the world had ever seen. Dr. Apesacrappin knew that if he could assemble the right emelents he could theoretically build the DNA structure that would assure his creation of talent far surpassing the average individual. At the time one subject of urban myth was the story that Michael Jackson in an effort to retain his youthful look and feminine vocal characteristics had his testicles surgically removed, thereby making him a modern-day castrato. If such a rumor was true, Michael Jackson more than likely would have had some of his semen preserved before the surgery to ensure the future of his name and lineage. Word came back to Dr. Apesacrappin of a secret cold-storage locker deep within the bowels of the UCLA research center that not only contained four containers of frozen semen but also held a pair of testicles, each was labeled with the name "Jack Michaelson". CHORUS I once heard a noise in the night The most sensual voice A song of love from an angelic boy stuck in my head and this is what he said, I am gopher boy pondering reality I am gopher boy who will buy my rasberries? This had to be the seed of the king of pop. Dr. Apesacrappin was able to use his charm and ???? features to woo a young lab technician by the name of Jennifer, who of course just happened to have the proper access needed to obtain a small vial of the precious semen. The search for the egg was a short one. Dr. Mephisto simply ran an ad in the classified section of an LA music magazine. The ad read: "WANTED: Unfertilized human eggs for genetic experiment. Donors must have musical background." With a plethora of young, eager, wanna-be musical starlets willing to sell their eggs, the two doctors, after rigorous auditioning, picked and purchased. Dr. Apesacrappin felt that it would be far less complicated legally if the fetus was brought to term in the womb of a non-human. He had long since secured the services of the university volleyball mascot, a llama by the name of Missy. When the baby was ready, lthe child was removed via Caesarian. It was a healthy baby boy. He was named Kevin. CHORUS Kevin was a beautiful child. Dr. Apesacrappin saw to it that Kevin was trained by the best in all aspects of performing. His voice was golden and had a sweetness to it that most males lacked. He moved with grace and was able to moonwalk by the time he was three. As Kevin grew with his talent, Dr. Apesacrappin started noticing odd developments in his physical state. When Kevin lost his baby teeth, his secondaries came in with a vengeance. They were at least twice the size of a normal adult's and the two in front stuck nearly straight out. Also, as Kevin reached his eighth year he was the same height as he was when he was four. To top it off he was growing hair all over and his penis was enormous, even by adult standards. It also dawned on the doctor that even through all the years of hearing Kevin sing, he rarely spoke, often choosing to communicate through various grunts and gurgles. CHORUS Others were noticing the changes in Kevin. Children began to tease him. They called him "Gopher Boy". One day, a bully by the name of Big Roy started throwing bananas at him. Soon, a crowd of kids were all throwing bananas. Suddenly, in a fury, Kevin rushed at Roy and bit three fingers off of his left hand. Kevin was taken away and placed in the custody of the state. Dr. Apesacrappin's action was found out, but because there was no legislation concerning the genetic construction of another human being, no criminal charges were brought forth. The Medical Association's Board of Ethics stripped him of all his credentials and his reputation was ruined. In fact, his name became so synonymous with failure, that for years to come students around the world were known to say at times of mishap to say "Damn, I feel just like Apesacrappin!" Dr. Mephisto immediately began proceedings to adopt little Kevin. Being a noted scientist and the creator of the cloned asparagus, it wasn't long before the two were legally united as father and son. They moved to Colorado where they live in relative obscurity. Kevin is still a boy of few spoken words, sticking mainly to his grunts and gurgles. But on occasion, if you listen closely, you can hear his sweet, golden singing voice ring out into the night over the small town of South Park. CHORUS
Lyrics contributed by Chris McCullough.